First of all, I want to say thank you for all the kind words and well wishes concerning our baby news. We really felt the love and appreciate everyone’s support! I noticed a few days ago when I had a quick second to sit down and read through some messages that there were a lot of questions about pregnancy related topics so I thought I might share a little more about the experience of this 2020 pregnancy so far.
I know everyone got a good laugh out of a mother of six saying this was a total surprise, but it was! I have prided myself for years in being Mrs. Fertility Charts and thought I was immune from surprises. Well, nursing Indy for longer that I had in a while, combined with age related changes, led me to seriously misinterpret some symptoms. I actually only ended up going to the Dr. because I was experiencing some scary symptoms I thought needed to be checked out. As silly as it seems now looking back, I did not for one second think that a baby could have been causing all of this! So, when they ran that ultrasound wand over my belly to reveal a wiggling tiny human, I ripped off my mask and yelled, “No Way”! (that’s the G rated version). I had never been so surprised in my life. I was further along than I had ever been in finding out I was pregnant. Even after seeing this little person, I continued to have scary stuff happen for weeks after which made it difficult to feel free in letting my guard down to be excited. Much like the rest of the world, I was in a holding pattern.
It won’t surprise you that as a mother of many, I have experienced loss. Some more painful than others (a story for another time) but anyone who has experienced any kind of pregnancy loss knows you are never really able to freely enjoy the news you are pregnant the way you can before loss, it robs you of that innocence. The weeks rolled on and as in most of my pregnancies I spent the first trimester in bed or throwing up or trying to eat the loaf of bread I was carrying around day and night. It was rough. This is where the pandemic flow came into play. I felt like I had worked so hard to try and rewire my family to continue to function well with all the change in the world. We were exercising, eating and studying together. I was a general on a mission to lead my troops successfully through the battle. Then this. Talk about a setback. The general was now a sick, tired, pregnant lady. And chaos ensued. Or at least it felt like it to me. I look back on some of the seasons where I have felt overwhelmed and unable to be the kind of mom I want to be, and even though when I am in those moments it feels hopeless, if I pull back the camera a little bit, I feel like my children have grown during those times, maybe in ways I couldn’t teach them except by stepping out of the way a little. Knowing this doesn’t make it easy, but I am grateful for my years of experience giving me perspective.
One question that was asked several times was “Have your pregnancies been different or similar? “Yes, and no. I have some similar physical symptoms that have been around each time, and for the most part all of my pregnancies have been healthy and uneventful. But at the same time, each one has been completely different, and those differences have much more to do with external factors than with the baby itself. I’ve rejoiced over planned babies that seemed to fill a spot just waiting for them. I’ve had pregnancies where I didn’t know until the last minute if Taylor would be home for the birth. I’ve had larger spaces where I was a little out of practice, but able to nap. I’ve had babies back to back with all the cuteness and fatigue that comes from double stroller life. Each pregnancy has been different, each birth has been a little different, and each one has gifted me with hard learned lessons on life and love. It’s too soon to tell all that I will learn this time around, but I can already see glimpses of insight I have yet to experience until now, so thank you little number seven. We’re waiting for you.